July / August 2003

"Rock star suspected of battery at brothel."

Interested bystander's comments on last week's LPIN summary.

Two Comedy Central message board posts on The Bunny Ranch - here and here.

Dennis Hof on amandaamanda2001.

Tia reams The_Massage_Guy.

Tia on Dennis Hof - here and here.

Jennafer on tips.

Tia tells amandaamanda2001.

Tia on Vince Neil.

Tia corrects Madam Suzette.

cronos616 on the Posse Gathering II.

Sportsman on the Sheri's Ranch party.

Heather Lockheart on returning.

Donna's Battle Mountain for sale.

Heather Lockheart responds to the Beav, and then the Beav responds to Heather Lockheart.

Flyfisher lets it fly!

Elko Buckaroo is back!

Bobbi Davis on Pat.

Uncle Bob in Pahrump, and inspectHERgadget.

Flyfisher dotes on Mike Dallas.

Heather Lockheart on testing.

Heavensent on The Cottontail Ranch.

Flyfisher is one wordy motherfucker.

Sherry and me?

Sherry is wrong.

Avid Reader is misinformed.

Who is birdhunter?

lonelyNiceGuy's review.

Sportsman on McKenna.

geocal99 on independents.

David Burgess on rates.

Crystal speaks.

Madam Suzette on Holly Landers.

Chay on reviews.

McKenna's G spot.

Cowboy is such a crybaby!

Sherry is oh-so-right!

Tessa entices Sherry.

Flyfisher defines "Old School".

Bobbi Davis on bustlover.

Trent Lott on McKenna.

The legal Nevada bordellos are exempt from the Nevada live entertainment tax.

Flyfisher's predictions.

Curious gets nasty. And he explains TER to Bobbi Davis.

Remember this - Bashful does not exist.

Bustlover's post.

newModerator apologizes.

Flyfisher says it.

Chay's reasoning, and bustlover's reply.

Curious wants to ...

gimpyandlimpy on The Moonlight.

Curious on the awards.

Flyfisher on TER.

Kama Sutra's "Mustang Memories".

beepath skyclad loneflight and The Mustang Ranch.

EDITORIAL #031 :

On the night of Sunday, July 20, 2003, I twice set foot into the parlor of The Moonlite Bunny Ranch to catch my old favorite, Monique. It had not been since 1996 that I'd last caught her at The Sagebrush Ranch. Now I was told she was working at The Bunny Ranch, and I wanted to check her out again and maybe relive some old memories.

It had been two long years since I'd last visited The Bunny Ranch. The parlor appeared spacious with couches lining the walls - no more chairs and tables cluttering the center. I detest line-ups but am resigned to them since the legal prostitution industry resists modernizing. An attractive woman called the line-up of six women, and it was indeed a line-up with each woman introducing herself, followed by the lady who called the line-up introducing herself as available. Apparently on my first of two visits that night the floor manager or hostess or madam or whatever she's called was busy so one of the ladies temporarily filled in for her. On my second visit the ladies were lined up and introduced by an older woman - polite yet direct.

On that first visit I told the ladies that they were all lovely, which was the truth, and that I would have to sit and think about them for awhile, which was not quite the truth since I was really hoping to catch Monique. If one of the ladies had "tripped my trigger" then Monique would have been nothing more than a memory, but that did not happen. I knew that Monique was a late-night creature from her Sagebrush days, and I had received a comment from a friend who told me that Monique had been there in the Bunny Ranch parlor only two nights ago, so I figured she was busy with a customer. I decided to wait for Monique to appear and meanwhile just take a good look at The Bunny Ranch since it had been such a long time since my last visit.

Sunday nights are probably not the busiest of times at The Bunny Ranch. On that first visit I saw two guys seated at the bar when I arrived, and they left while I was there, sitting quietly on the couch immediately to the left as you enter the main entrance. Later a single guy showed up but left after the line-up, but then two guys came in together and one picked a lady from the line-up and his pal sat at the bar.

Four of the ladies came and sat next to me on the couch while I was there. All four asked the same, standard "Have you been here before?" and "Where are you from?" questions that all working girls ask. Three of the four made some other statements which are the topic of this editorial and which I'll address momentarily. I asked two of the ladies about Monique, and received surprised and even startled responses from them, as though they couldn't believe I was inquiring about Monique. The news was that Monique was around, maybe, but they weren't sure. I thanked them and left and then visited both The Kit Kat Ranch and Kitty's Guest Ranch, both of which had more business than The Bunny Ranch. Met the omnipresent Mike Dallas sitting in Kitty's parlor, and shortly FredT and Jordan appeared from their party and later FredT and I stood out in the parking lot and talked for a long time. Eventually I ended up back at The Bunny Ranch to see if Monique was back on the floor.

On this second visit the floor manager was back, and she called a line-up for me, presumably because she didn't know that I'd already been there that night. After the line-up, which I again politely passed on, I approached the manager and inquired about Monique and got the response that Monique worked the day shift and had already left for home. I wish I'd known that - if so then I would have visited earlier. Oh well, that is life.

So I didn't catch up with Monique, but I did notice something that I don't recall hearing before. As I mentioned earlier during my first visit I was approached by four of the ladies and three of them had something, by my experience, unusual to say to me. What three of the four ladies whispered to me in the Bunny Ranch parlor were the statements :

"Mmmmm, I just love to suck cock!"

"Oh, my pussy is so wet!"

My reaction to these ludicrous statements was to restrain myself from laughing out loud. Now, let me state up front here that I am no prude, and am not concerned about so-called "dirty hustling". In my book there is no such thing as dirty hustling, and anyone who is concerned about it is an idiot, pure and simple. But I do see unintentional humor in a prostitute thinking that she can entice a guy with such stereotypical pleadings. Oh sure, she gets wet thinking about having sex with a fat, middle-aged man!

But then I should't be surprised since this is, after all, the home of the Porn Star Experience. Dennis Hof has probably instructed Madam Suzette to encourage the girls to whisper this inane nonsense, and who am I to challenge their business model? For all I know this is putting money into their bank accounts, and is something that customers really dig. But I don't.

My problem is that when a lady talks like that, it destroys the fantasy and the illusion. Of course effective prostitution is primarily illusion and fantasy, but for it to work for me I have to feel it work, and speaking absurd lines like a third-rate actress just doesn't do it for me. Of course there are those who know Monique who will probably remind me that she too utters such lame lines, but Monique is so sexy she could read from the Book of Leviticus and I would still get wood.

What do I recommend? Well, I can only speak for myself, but for you guys out there that are turned on by such silliness all I can say is lap it up, boys, because it ain't for me.

My favorite line is, "Read any good books lately?" If any prostitute is looking for some way to seduce me back to her boudouir (hint, hint!), then there is no better line for her to use on me than that one, although there are undoubtedly many others that would work equally well. Before I got onto the Internet I used to ask working girls what church they grew up in, and more than once I partied with a woman who otherwise I would have ignored simply because she enticed me intellectually by having what appeared to me to be a good-faith discussion about religion while we sat in the parlor of a whorehouse. There is a certain humor to that situation, humor that was not lost to either of us. A lady with humor and intelligence as well as wit and charm puts herself above her competition.

C'mon, girls, use your imagination! Look at all the current events that make for possible topics of conversation. The Governor Davis recall election in California - the on-going occupation in Iraq - the abuse of power by Attorney General John Ashcroft - these are but a few of the subjects you could drop in order to make small-talk with a potential customer. Talk about movies that are currently showing - everyone loves movies! What better topic of conversation could there be than about movies? - and I'm NOT talking about porno flicks!

It does not have to be hard work talking to a customer. The secret is to talk to him the same way you would if the two of you were seated next to each other on a passenger aircraft. No kidding!

"Oh, baby! My dick gets so hard when I think about sucking your titties!"

Be seeing you.

Bashful

Quote of the week : "But when I am with her I am not ILLEGAL anymore." -- Chay, August 01, 2003, 01:06 PM.